Even the fool sometimes has sage insights.

Your efforts will result in much profit.

“Oh, shut up.”

So goes my never-ending love-hate relationship with fortune cookie fortunes.

This is not news to anyone who knows me. In fact, I think I may have blogged about it before. But, I feel like blogging about it again. Sue me.

Firstly, I love fortune cookie fortunes because they are random. Also, they are wrapped in a delicious crispy little cookie. But it’s mostly because they are random. One of life’s biggest disappointments is when you have two fortune cookies from the same restaurant and you get the same two fortunes. It ruins the lovely random mysteriousness for me.

On the other hand, I hate fortune cookie fortunes. I hate them because they are, obviously, complete and utter bullshit.

Here are just a few of the fortunes I have sitting in a pile on the desk next to my computer (the fact that I have a rather sizeable collection of fortune cookie fortunes sitting in a pile next to my computer should, realistically, surprise no one):

• When bargain hunting, be practical.
• Others need not lose for you to win.
• You are very wealthy but you don’t know it.
• Plan your graduation party with Leeann Chin Catering & Delivery.
• (Oops….wrong side.)
• Your message must focus on the receiver. Ignore yourself.


See? Total crap.

I’m thinking of buying a package of fortune cookies from the grocery store. Every morning when I wake up, I’ll crack one open and spend the rest of the day living my life according to a very literal translation of said fortune. Could be fun. One time, I decided to carry around the I Ching and a bunch of pennies. Whenever I had to make a decision, I threw down the pennies and consulted the book for guidance. That was only slightly more cryptic (but perhaps an eensy bit less crazy) than letting a fortune cookie guide me.

Oooh…wait…look at this one:

You have more work than you can handle. Go take a rest; you deserve it.

No kidding! I might make a copy of this one to show my boss.